day one hundred fifty four - jane stoller

Change. 

"The only constant is change", as we have all come to know and trust. It is the one thing that we can count on. Plato said, "Everything flows and nothing stays. Everything flows and nothing abides. Everything gives way and nothing stays fixed. Everything flows; nothing remains. All is flux, nothing is stationary." As I read this I envision a river moving fluidly or snow rapidly falling to the ground occasionally being moved and pushed by the wind, followed by Spring's first thaw melting Winter from sight. 

Isaac Asimov said it this way, "It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be." I happen to believe the world will be exactly what we create it to be. Whether conscious of what it is we are asking for or not, the universe is listening, and changing accordingly. "The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.", said Marcus Aurelius Antoninus around 170 AD.

So what does this mean to me? Why is change important and acceptance crucial? Well, the only way I will truly know myself is by accepting that change is not only OK but that it is an important part of existence and happiness. If someone decided to go to law school, graduate and then decide to become a yoga instructor, I have to say bravo! Society frowns upon such bold decisions based on listening to one's heart. We are so conditioned by society's "normal" practices of life, that if an individual isn't on the school/job/marriage/kids/retirement/death plan, then they are considered unsuccessful.

I think happiness is success. The ability to love and be loved without condition is success. 

With ever present change and realization of such, I have realized how much I miss photography. Photography is not who I am, it is what I love to do. I am inspired by people. Individual people captured being themselves, perhaps doing what they love. Textured faces telling the stories of their life. Families playing like no one is watching. I recently created a world in which I live absent of people. Self imposed solitary confinement. I think Winter's natural hibernating qualities have had something to do with creating this world, but, I feel myself waking up from a long sleep asking, Who Am I? What do I want? How did I get here, Why, and Where do I want to go?

Andy Warhol said "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." I have showed myself that my interests are vast. I have loved being a bartender, interior designer, grounds keeper, living in Manhattan, traveling the world, going to bars, staying up all night, surfing at dawn, practicing yoga, driving five hours one-way for three hours of snowboarding, sitting on the couch surrounded by kittens reading a book in the middle of the day, falling in love. It wasn't until very recently that I accepted the vastness of these interests, understanding that each role I have played over the years was to gain a deeper knowing of who I am. It doesn't matter what I do, how much I make, if I ever get married, have kids, retire or die. Society will always believe what they have been conditioned to believe about these decisions, and judge accordingly. As long as I listen to my heart, success is inevitable.

I used to love the line from an old Colin Hay song, "I am waiting for my real life to begin." It let me off the hook, giving me freedom from accountability with wavering hope that real happiness is just around the corner. I still love the song, but hear it very differently now. It is up to me to create my "real life". So don't be afraid to close your eyes and dream, knowing that that dream will come true.

I want to thank this BLOG for allowing my to be myself. From now on I will post when I am inspired rather than every day, and I may even add words written by me, just because I can.

Love.

-Jane Stoller